How I Have Participated in Rape Culture

“My liberation as a man is tied to your liberation as a woman.” 

-Tony Porter

In light of Elliot Rodger's murderous rampage in California last week I feel it is incumbent upon men and women (but mostly men) to come out and admit honestly the ways in which they have participated in or perpetuated misogyny in our culture.  I'm not going to go into detail about how this rampage had much more to do with Rodger's misogyny than any sort of mental illness he may have had.  Melanie Mallon over at Skepchick has already done a wonderful job of that here.  Let's just take it as a given. Furthermore, even if this awful thing had not happened the misogyny in our culture still exists, and it hurts all of us.

So here I am trying to get a real dialogue started.  In order for the dialogue to be constructive and helpful we first need to be honest with ourselves, and about ourselves.  Here is a list of ways in which I have participated in and perpetuated rape culture.  Many of the things I list here from when I was a boy will be written off by many of you as "Boys will be boys."  I can already hear people saying in their head about the things I did in my teens and twenties "He was young, dumb, and full of cum."  The things I did are not excusable because of my gender and testosterone.  I am a human being with self control, not a wild animal.

- In middle school I would grab the chests of female classmates.

- Until my late twenties I would tell incredibly sexist and misogynistic jokes.

- I've referred to women as bitches, sluts, cunts, and whores.

- In my teens and early twenties I called other men pussies and fags when they didn't fit into the man box.

- I laughed when a male adult in my life told me about how he and a friend had once picked up a couple of women, drove them way out into the country for a picnic, and then left them there.

- When I told a close friend about my first date with my fiance the first thing he asked was "Did you fuck her?"  I never pointed out how that was none of his business, and how it had no bearing on how either of use should feel about her. 

- I've tried to pressure my fiance into having sex with me when she didn't want to.

- In high school I spent years pursuing a classmate that I felt I 'deserved.'  I wrote her letters, called her, and generally pestered her unceasingly.  I thought it was romantic and endearing.  It was harassment. 

- Throughout middle school and high school I held a double standard for my sister.  Anyone who showed interest in her was automatically my enemy and I had to make their lives hell.  It also made my sister's life hell.  At the same time she would regularly try to set me up with her friends.

- As a kid I would constantly scold my sister for playing with my toys because they were 'boy's toys.'

- In high school I laughed when a classmate told me a story about how he came in the face of his girlfriend when she went down on him despite her explicitly telling him not to do so beforehand.  Even though I knew that was wrong I never said anything to him.

- In my early twenties I invaded the personal space and touched the shoulders and lower back of a woman at a bar so much that she felt the need to have her friends form a safety circle around her.   I only found out about the safety circle later after we had already become friends.  She is an amazingly brave and forgiving person and I feel like I don't really deserve her friendship.

- In my mid twenties a woman at a party invited me into her bedroom to fool around.  I tried relentlessly to pressure her to go further than she wanted.  I saw her a year later and apologized.  She said it was no big deal.  It was.  She invited me into what should be the safest space in her life, and I took that safety away from her.

- When I came home from a year in Korea one of the first things a close friend asked me was "How many women did you fuck?"  Instead of telling him it was none of his fucking business I told him how many women I had slept with.  He chided me and questioned my sexuality because the number wasn't large enough for him.  I never told him how wrong it was for him to think that way.

- In high school I made fun of other males for being virgins (even while I was one), and made fun of females for loosing their virginity.

This list is not exhaustive, but it's illustrative.  Many men out there have likely done one, some, or all of these things. A few possibly have not, or are at least not aware that they have.  I don't think I am necessarily a bad person for having done these things, but they were bad things.  In fact I would say that a lot of people I know see me as a generally nice guy and would be shocked by some of these things.  If that's the case, think of all the men you know that are not 'nice guys.' Well, I've put it out there, now it's your turn.  Let's talk.

Kaleidoscope Reality

I.

Write.

Content, on a page.

Semantics.

Heuristics in the content.

Words on a page.

Something from nothing.

Scratch that.

Nothing in something.

A farce.

II.

The teardrop in my eye.

Wavelengths refract,

into kaleidoscope sight.

III.

A thought,

This little spasm,

This little fleck of mind rebounding,

Cascading through brain tissue in chemical waves,

It’s slippery,

Amorphous, vague, tinted in memory.

IV.

Sometimes the sounds are lost.

All that is left is . . .

That, that, that, tok, tok, tok away of seconds on the wall,

A beat,

But not a sound.

V.

And into it I fall,

The deep well of reality.

It’s overwhelming, the infinity deafening.

And I swim joyously in my deafness.  

Why GMO Labeling is Dangerous in the Current Cultural Context

There is a big push underway here in Portland, and in states and cities across the country, to pass laws which would require the labeling of foods which contain genetically modified orgamisms (GMOs).  These pieces of potential legislation are being sold to the public on the theory that we all have a 'right to know' what is in our food.  On the surface, I agree with this principal.  Why shouldn't I be made aware of what I am putting into my body?  Makes sense, right?  Well, not in our current cultural context.

We live in a society that has benefitted greatly from the scientific advances of the past two centuries.  Life expectancy has doubled, quality of life is better than it has ever been for the majority of human beings on this planet, and we can communicate across the globe with unprecedented speed and abundance.  Despite this, there has been a massive anti-science backlash that has stemmed from many of the abuses of scientific knowledge that occurred during the twentieth century.  These abuses, such as the development of the atom bomb, the eugenics movement, the Tuskegee experiments, were all very real and horrific.   Combine common knowledge of these past abuses with incredibly poor science education and a plethora of industries selling us all pseudo scientific woo (ie. alternative medicine, climate change denial, the anti-vaccine movement, Deepak Chopra) and you have a recipe for disaster.

The general public is woefully scientifically illiterate and massively misinformed regarding the science of GMOs.  Despite the fact that the broad scientific consensus is that GMOs are safe for humans and the environment anti-GMO activists are spreading misinformation and pseudo-science to support an ideological agenda.  Given that the global population is projected to reach 10 billion by the end of the century, and that with climate change droughts will become more frequent and severe, it is imperative that we find ways to grow more food on the same amount of, or even less, land.  Genetic engineering is just one tool, a very effective tool, that can and should be used to solve this problem.  Unfortunately the general public is highly confused and misinformed about these truths.  In fact many anti-GMO activists believe the exact opposite of this consensus, in much the same way that climate change skeptics believe the exact opposite of the consensus on global warming.  The latter is incredibly dangerous because it is currently stopping the global community from taking necessary and decisive action to mitigate the worst effects of climate change.  In much the same way anti-GMO propaganda is dangerous because it is keeping many farmers from adopting GMO technologies which can be used to increase biodiversity, decrease pesticide use, and increase the nutritional value of staple foods such as rice.

So, given our society's scientific illiteracy in general, and it's misinformed beliefs about GMOs in particular, I do not support the labeling of GMOs in foods.  In my admittedly anecdotal experience I've found that the general public thinks GMO means unsafe, bad for the environment, and unhealthy.  Given such a public perception GMO labels will serve to confuse consumers more, not educate them.  Consumers will avoid anything with a GMO label based on fear and emotional appeals, not science.  In turn, demand for foods with the GMO label will decrease, which means that the application of genetic engineering to agricultural products will be slowed or even stifled.  In lieu of the current global environmental crisis that we are all experiencing anything which slows down or inhibits the further development of GMOs could have disastrous consequences.  If you have a true appreciation of what science is and what it is not, along with a strong desire to help mitigate the effects of global warming then you'll oppose GMO labeling too.

Hey White People, Stop Being Pissed Off Because You Can't Say the "N Word"

I was recently substituting in a high school and I made the sad mistake of eating lunch in the teacher's lounge.  I say this was a mistake because, despite what one might think, the level of conversation among teachers (presumably people who are highly educated as many of them do have Masters degrees) is sometimes less than sophisticated.

So it was while I was eating my recently.  A group of teachers (all white, myself included) began talking about the recent interview with Donald Serling on CNN.  They bemoaned his outright racism and wondered how anyone could be so ignorant.  As is often the case with such conversations among white people it soon turned towards the use of derogatory terms, specifically the n-word.  They asked amongst themselves 'Why is it okay for them (ie. African Americans) to use the n-word?'  With righteous indignation someone said that it doesn't matter, it is a bad word and nobody should use it, including those that are oppressed by it. Everyone agreed.  It only got worse from there as many in the group started pulling out the usual tropes (I never owned a salve; I don't see race; and all of the other obfuscations of the issue of race in America).

This conversation was very typical of the conversations I hear regarding race among groups of white people.  I don't necessarily find malice in many of the opinions expressed.  However, the conversations are usually very shallow, often callous, and generally oblivious, especially regarding the n-word.  So here, I will go into three basic reasons why it's not acceptable for white people to use that word, and why it's perfectly fine for African Americans to.

1) African Americans are not a monolithic group.  Believe it or not, just like all other groups of people in this world, African Americans vary greatly in their opinions about the use of the n-word.  Some feel as my white peers do, that it is never okay.  Other people make the argument that it's okay for African Americans to say it because they are the oppressed taking back the oppressors word.  By taking the word back and using as a symbol of brotherhood and solidarity they are taking away the power of the word to do harm.  It is essentially saying 'Hey!  I'm going to take this term of hate and turn it into one of love!  You will not label me, I will label myself, and that label will mean dignity, autonomy, and power!'  It's basically a giant metaphorical middle finger to all the racists out there that wish to go back to the days of slavery.

2) Unless quoting a particular song lyric that you appreciate and understand, or reading it out of a book (such as To Kill a Mocking Bird or The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn) it is NEVER okay for white people to use the n-word.  Period.  I know, I know, you see all of these black people saying it all the time, and you want to get in on the fun.  Well, you don't get to.  Why?  Because white people are still the oppressors (yes, even the colorblind among you).  The reason why it's not okay for us to use this word is because it was a word imposed upon African Americans to dehumanize and disenfranchise them.  It doesn't matter if you never owned a slave or if you let African American's sit at your lunch counter, it's still wrong. That is a label that was imposed, not chosen.  When it is used by African Americans it is used in defiance as a way to take away the hate in the word.  Yes, I know, it sucks that you don't have the privilege to use that word anymore, but guess what!  You still won't be judged negatively by your skin color.  In fact, you will still have distinct, unearned, advantages due to your skin color.  So yes, you don't get to say that word anymore, but you haven't lost any power or privilege either.  Get over it.

3)  Lastly, you never owned a slave.  You're colorblind.  You have a black friend.  Good for you.  Nobody is asking you to apologize for slavery or Jim Crow.  We all know you didn't do it.  But your parents and grandparents did.  And several centuries of white people doing this has resulted in social and systematic advantages and privileges that you still benefit from today.  For example, all things being equal, you are more likely to get a home, more likely to get into the college of your choice, and more likely to get a job of your choice (and at higher pay).  And in exchange for that you don't get to use the n-word.  Nobody wants you to apologize for slavery, we all know you didn't do it.  What people do want though if for you to recognize the privileges that you have which are based not on merit, but on sex, creed, and skin color.

Please, please, please stop being offended that you don't get to use offensive language.  Our society is becoming more open, accepting, and diverse every day, and you need to accept that.  You get to keep most of your privileges, and soon enough other groups that you hate will have those privileges as well.